A few recent amusing/infuiriating street encounters have forcibly reminded me that some people really don’t have a clue how to interact with blind people. They seem to think they either have to apply a whole different set of social norms or discard common courtesy/sense completely when talking to someone who isn’t looking them straight in the eye. I’m here to tell y’all, it don’t work like that. 🙂 For your edification and amusement, I bring you the top five things most blind people are secretly begging you not to do.
1. Interfering with a guide dog while it’s working
The unbeatable guide dog school where I acquired my darling Reva put it best — addressing or touching a guide dog while it’s in harness is tantamount to grabbing the stearing wheel of a moving car. Please, don’t do it! If a service animal is in harness, it means it’s on duty and is not to be disturbed in any way. And unfortunately for all dog-lovers, that includes talking to them (especially in patented dog voices that we all use when confronted with unparalleled cuteness). I’m sure Reva and her ilk hate the rule as much as you do, but it’s there for a reason
2. Assuming someone needs help and immediately acting on that assumption
Note to well-meaning people everywhere: if a blind person is standing around looking confused, s/he may well need help. Grabbing that person’s arm and arbitrarily dragging them off in the direction *you* think they want to go is not the answer. Such interferance is also frowned upon if the blind person is walking down the street. Both these things happen, and they’re just flat out not cool! I for one appreciate what you’re trying to do, but would be eternally grateful if you asked me whether or not I need help before busting in and trying to take over. If I’m standing still near a corner, I’m probably just waiting for a friend outside the nearby coffee shop. If I need your help, I’ll be the first to thank you for your timely offer of assistance!
3. Describing something as “over there”
The following is a real-life exchange from the streets of my city:
Me: Excuse me, sir, I’m looking for the Indigo store. Have I passed the entrance?
Random dude: No, it’s right over there.
That, my friends, doesn’t help. Nor would saying “just across the street,” “just down here” or “yes/no.” This request calls for a little proactive help. Had he told me the store was three doors back, or if he’d opted to walk me to the entrance himself as so many lovely people do, he would have saved me time and blog space. 🙂 This is a case where I know I for one would welcome more direct involvement! The same goes in indoor settings, whether someone is trying to find the bathroom or reaching for their cup of coffee.
4. Speaking extra loud/slow
The annals of history are littered with phenomena that science has been unable to explain. To me, one of the most enduring is the mysterious force that makes people speak louder and talk more slowly when interacting with a blind person. It’s entirely possible that the disease that took someone’s sight has also compromised his/her hearing or cognitive abilities, but to make that assumption is to administer a social slap in the face. Blondes, would you like it if people started dumbing down their language the moment they took note of your hair colour? Sadly, this happens to blind people all the time, and it drives me batty.
5. Using politically correct language for daily activities
I cannot tell you the number of people who have asked me whether I saw something on tv only to backtrack, feel bad and ask instead if I “heard” it. Dude, I watched tv the same as you, and yes I thought Jack Donaghy was hilarious in the last 30 Rock. Dr. Funke’s 100% Natural Good-times Family Band Solution also did a bang-up job in that Arrested Development rerun I SAW last night. One could argue that tpolitical correctness has a time and place, but I contend that it doesn’t belong in descriptions of every-day activities. Exchanges like the one I describe leave all parties feeling awkward and reinforce the notion that blind people are shut out from common sighted activities. Political correctness also robs people everywhere of language, which pushes a whole other set of buttons for me.. Put it this way: I see movies, look at my options and watch my mouth at work (most of the time). Feel free to speak to me and blind people everywhere as you would to anyone else.
There’s a flipside to all this, too — blind people sometimes do things that reinforce negative stereotypes and contribute to the sort of tensions I’ve noticed from time to time, but that’s something for another day. For now I’ll just say this — part of the reason I work so hard to dress well
is because the situations I’ve described above happen a lot less often whhen I’m fashionably turned out. Right or wrong, that’s been my experience.
How about you? Have you come across odd behaviours that people inexplicably apply to you? Have you ever seen the situations I’m talking about?
This is most interesting. Thank for all the pointers. Regarding your point 3 about people directing you vaguely, I wonder if they fail to notice your blindness or are somehow confused about it.
I can so identify with #4. Just because I am from another country and have an accent doesn’t mean that you need to talk loudly to me.
Marianna, are you freakin’ kidding me? People assumed you were a teenage mom because you worked in a restaurant? Unbelievable!! Though it makes me stop and think… I make an assumption in a siituation like that, too… I assume the person is in school and just taking a job to earn some cash, gain experience or something like that. Sure the assumption is likely to be less offensive, but it just goes to show that I’m as bad as the next guy. 🙂
Phenomenal post. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
When I worked in a restaurant (from age 16) I had numerous customers ask me if I had children. These people assumed that because I was young and working, I must have children. I also hated when customers asked me if I was in school. Just because I work at a restaurant doesn’t mean I’m a teen mom, or a high school/college drop out. People are stupid and make stupid assumptions all the time.
Also, my mom has bad knees and walks on the slow side. I HATE when people run up to her and ask her if she needs help walking down stairs, etc. She hates it too. She walks slowly but she can walk without your unsolicited help!
Thanks for stopping by, Rainee, it’s fun to have new readers! I totally hear you on the accent issue. I eally don’t think some people clue in as to how insulting such behaviour can be!
As for people not noticing my blindness, I suppose it’s possible, but in my book it’s not likely. I walk around with a guide dog and most often can’t look someone directly in the eye (though I try to). Confusion is probably at the root of their actions. Most people truly mean well — they just aren’t sure how to handle the situation.
I end up having this internal battle in my head over this issue. Not so much with blind people, but with anyone who I feel like I should be helping. Granted, I would NEVER just grab someone and yank them off to an assumed destination and I can’t believe people do that to you! How ridiculous. But sometimes I wonder if I should offer my seat to the old lady or the guy with a cane. Maybe they are stronger and more self sufficient than they look and I am insulting them by making them feel weak…I don’t know…
My personal peeves have to do with my ethnicity and perceived mood. I must just have a naturally and perpetually dour expression on my face because people are always asking me “what’s wrong?” or commanding me to smile. What if I have a good reason to be sad? What if my mother just died of cancer? In other words, why is it any of your damn business?
As far as ethnicity goes, the stories I could tell! I’m tired of hearing the dumb questions people have about my perceived religion(s) based on a National Geographic special they once saw about Hindu monks from a remote village in India, or Sufi Muslims living in Iran. Seriously? I am from New Jersey for crying out loud, and moreover, I am neither Hindu nor Muslim. Really, I get so sick and tired of people “exoticizing” me and neurotically trying to prove their openmindedness and tolerance by asking me all sorts of stupid questions regarding “my culture.”
Terrific post! You’ve touched on a lot of situations people are not sure about. I had a blind roommate for a while in college (with a guide dog) so I hope I am a bit more aware than many, but reminders are always good.
One thing that bothers me and I find strange is that when I am with my parents and meet people who don’t know them/me well, they always ask if I am “in school.” I’m almost 33, for goodness sake, finished college and law school a long time ago! I guess maybe it is a compliment that I look youthful, but I always wonder if people would ask that if my boyfriend were with me or I had a husband and kids in tow.
Haha Maya, you rule, and I totally agree. What the hell does it matter to anyone what kind of mood you’re in provided you aren’t being aggressive or actively making life unpleasant for them? Don’t you have the right to look however you want?
About your internal dilemma, I think you’re probably better off to at least make the offer. I obviously can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’ve never been insulted if someone offered me a seat on the subway. If I need it so I can tuck Reva out of harm’s way I’ll take it, otherwise I’ll just politely decline and thank them for their thoughtfulness. I expect most reasonable people would take a similar approach. They’re not obligated to take you up on it, but they might be grateful that you put the offer on the table in the first place.
Great post as always Michelle!
I love reading the insight into your world and you know, this is really bridging the gap that I considered existed between “sighted” and “not-sighted” – I am so very grateful for having the chance to read your words and gain this insight.
Your words constantly remind me that people really are the same…
And you know what… my eldest daughter is a mad doggy fan, and often wants to talk to service dogs and I’ve constantly reminded her that she can’t – I’m actually going to read her your comments tomorrow to show her why I keep telling her not to! She might be only 5, but she’s a clever cookie and I know she’ll get it.
Thank you!
Theresa, thanks so much for educating your daughters early on about service animal etiquette. You wouldn’t believe the difference it makes down the road! 🙂
This is exzctly wht we need this Michelle. You really educate from your perspective…That was a great post.
Wow…fingers on the wrong keys…need to edit:)
Another great post! Now that I think of it, that makes so much sense about not interfering with working guide dogs. I’m sure the same must apply to police dogs. I love your writing style, btw!
Thanks for the complements, Debora! I so love the fact that you’re a regular reader. 🙂 And yes, the rules about service dogs do pertain to police dogs. Any working animal, really. Glad my explanation made sense!
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